People love to show sympathy
hey am bak! am almost done with my winter quarter...just a project paper submission left and some TA work. am waiting for the spring break and the trip to vegas and grand canyon..yay
anyway...this time i wanted to talk/write about people's love to show sympathy. yeah..you heard it right...people actually love to show sympathy. though many of us wouldn't agree or probably may not realize it there is an inherent inclination towards it. if you have a friend or relative in some trouble, you would actually like to give him advice, fundaes , make him feel better etc. In all probability you would become more close to him than before when he/she was not in any trouble. So subconsciously you want people to need you and hence perhaps actually want them to be in a little trouble! this may sound over-stated but i believe its true...whether you agree or not. The reason for this is probably the self-high one gets by helping others. The mere thought of helping others makes people feel good about themselves. when you come to think of it, its actually selfish! its more about you than the person you are helping. i actually read somewhere that parents are in general more attached to the kid who needs them. that is to say..if you don't actually depend on them for a lotta things they probably wouldn't be that close to you. i don't know how much of is it true...am too young for that.
thinking about this the other day, i was actually wondering what kinda people are more attractive. if you think people who are almost perfect, too-good-to-be-true, fully independent etc are the types who attract others then you are terribly wrong. on the contrary , i think people who have some flaws actually get more attention. thats because being not perfect actually is more "humane" (though i dont agree with that, but we wont go there for now) and appealing. if you are lacking in something, you will need someone to fill that gap. now don't get me wrong here..am not saying that you need someone only if you have some drawbacks. rather am asserting the point that, you having some drawbacks is actually attractive to others. if you are too-good then the other person cannot help you and hence cannot feel good about himself. For example, lets take the case of drinking. if you are a tee-totaler and have been complete sober all your life then you don't attract anyone. on the other hand, if you drink and lose control of yourself you probably would have lot of friends. your friends actually like to take care of you when you are completely wasted. they might admonish you the next morning but they still like it. thats because you need their help, they get their high and the balance is perfect!
i often wonder why some jerks who obviously have lot of non-desirable qualities have good (number of) friends. perhaps this is the reason. i don't know. the bottom line is people don't want you to be perfect. they want you to be flawed, infact everyone to be flawed...so that there is a reason for you to depend on others. thats how this system works. now before, you say the killer "Nobody is perfect"...let me say that's not the point of this topic. i know that nobody is perfect. So why am i saying all this? beats me...
anyway...this time i wanted to talk/write about people's love to show sympathy. yeah..you heard it right...people actually love to show sympathy. though many of us wouldn't agree or probably may not realize it there is an inherent inclination towards it. if you have a friend or relative in some trouble, you would actually like to give him advice, fundaes , make him feel better etc. In all probability you would become more close to him than before when he/she was not in any trouble. So subconsciously you want people to need you and hence perhaps actually want them to be in a little trouble! this may sound over-stated but i believe its true...whether you agree or not. The reason for this is probably the self-high one gets by helping others. The mere thought of helping others makes people feel good about themselves. when you come to think of it, its actually selfish! its more about you than the person you are helping. i actually read somewhere that parents are in general more attached to the kid who needs them. that is to say..if you don't actually depend on them for a lotta things they probably wouldn't be that close to you. i don't know how much of is it true...am too young for that.
thinking about this the other day, i was actually wondering what kinda people are more attractive. if you think people who are almost perfect, too-good-to-be-true, fully independent etc are the types who attract others then you are terribly wrong. on the contrary , i think people who have some flaws actually get more attention. thats because being not perfect actually is more "humane" (though i dont agree with that, but we wont go there for now) and appealing. if you are lacking in something, you will need someone to fill that gap. now don't get me wrong here..am not saying that you need someone only if you have some drawbacks. rather am asserting the point that, you having some drawbacks is actually attractive to others. if you are too-good then the other person cannot help you and hence cannot feel good about himself. For example, lets take the case of drinking. if you are a tee-totaler and have been complete sober all your life then you don't attract anyone. on the other hand, if you drink and lose control of yourself you probably would have lot of friends. your friends actually like to take care of you when you are completely wasted. they might admonish you the next morning but they still like it. thats because you need their help, they get their high and the balance is perfect!
i often wonder why some jerks who obviously have lot of non-desirable qualities have good (number of) friends. perhaps this is the reason. i don't know. the bottom line is people don't want you to be perfect. they want you to be flawed, infact everyone to be flawed...so that there is a reason for you to depend on others. thats how this system works. now before, you say the killer "Nobody is perfect"...let me say that's not the point of this topic. i know that nobody is perfect. So why am i saying all this? beats me...
4 comments:
I don't like your conclusion that simply because people like to help means that they like the feeling of elation ... As far as I know, sympathy is not at all related to elation. People sympathize because there is something inherent in life forms called as responsibility and it has nothing to do with your personal state.
But yeah, after you help, you do feel happy and slightly elated but it's just an aftermath to your accomplishment and has nothing to do with the state of the other person.
If your verse is totally true, you wont see people dying for the causes of other people.
My point is sympathy comes out naturally, but once it comes out it sets a goal and achieving a goal always make you proud of yourself....
Coming to flawed people, we are all flawed aren't we? You made one more mistake by saying that you get close to people when you helped them out of trouble...
I feel it's actually the other way around. People get close to people who helped them in their own times of trouble. And as this closeness is reflexive, I can understand you seeing only the other side of the coin.
You DONT (I dont, and if you do you need to do some introspection) want people close to you in trouble. In fact you want them to be happy forever. Tell me, do you want your parents/brother to be in trouble so that you can help them out of it? Either conciously or subconsciously... I would be really surprised if your answer is yes.
Yes, friendship can be born out of sympathy (which is again, is a natural emotion born out of responsibility) but it starts with the other end. When someone helps a friend when he is drunk, it's the person who is drunk that gets attached to the first person and not the other way around. But yes, it's reflexive...
Anyway, I feel you are on the wrong boat of humanity. The materialistic one...
@siva
dude..u r too romantic for me to even argue with some of ur points...am not a romantic for sure
neway herez my take on some of ur comments...the point was not who gets attracted to whom first...i was trying to give another viewpoint which also plays the role. if u want to cite extremes to prove your point then i can't help it. i hope u caught the words little and over-stated in the post :).
there might be many reasons for people to show sympathy...ur "inherent responsibility/ human behavior" might be one...but if u dont feel good about it you wont do it! if u try to think beyond the popular and often overrated conventions of "humanity", "love" etc...and get bak to the basics.. there is bound to be conflict. i am trying to undstand things from a certain perspective whether its popular or not...it may not resonate with u...but we are not the same..are we?
and regarding right or wrong boat of humanity...there is no right or wrong dude...its framed by u/me and the society in general...what i think right may not be what u think is right
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