Fire In The Belly

In every person's life there comes a time when he stands at the cross-roads. One has to make a possibly difficult decision to follow the further path. No matter how much you wish to run away from the juncture there is no escape for that. Its inevitable. It doesn't matter whether you take the right or wrong path, for that matter no path can be fingered down to be a right or wrong path. In life, nothing is Black and White. So in that case, what matters is the Conviction with which you make the decision.....the Confidence you have in doing what you think is right...and the clear Conscience with which you need to move ahead to make the journey. These are the three essential C's for leading a satisfactory life.
Paraphrasing an interesting conversation between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent in Smallville...
"Lex: Hey Clark...Did you read 'To Kill A Mocking Bird' ?
Clark: What about it?
Lex: Its a great book. You should read it once.
Clark: Is it? What happens in the end?
Lex: Its not about the end. Its about the journey!"
The goal in life shouldn't be about trying to reach a dead end and be happy with it. Suppose you reach one such end then what next? You will find that there's another end which you need to reach and you set up on reaching that. Again reaching that end, you find still another. Sooner or later you will realize that you are not able to enjoy the ends (technically, its not an end) that you worked so hard to reach. So what's the purpose of life if you are not happy? One has to realize that its the journey that one need to enjoy...the whole process of reaching the destination. Life will then become much more meaningful and pleasant.

Everyone stands at one or more cross-roads in their lives and currently I am facing one. Having decided to pursue Ph.D in computer science I have to decide the way I have to go about it. Essentially there are two ways, one is to get it done with by adapting to the system and get out. The other, more difficult one, is to be true to one self. I am not completely satisfied with the way I have completed my under graduation. Sure I have got some offers from universities, got placed in a company and earned a decent grade point but that's that. It might be merely because I have adapted to the damn system and just trudged along. I really didn't do any path breaking stuff or made a mark of my own. I don't want this to be repeated during my doctoral studies. I really want to learn something very interesting and implement it successfully. I don't want to fall into the norm of being a publishing press and churning out papers during my study. Rather than publishing numerous papers which are no good except for publishing I would rather prefer to publish one paper which I am really proud of. My idea should be able to be patented...should be implemented successfully in real world not just test-beds....and most importantly should be Commercially Viable. What's the use of publishing tons of papers if the idea cannot come out of the conference rooms into the public. Academic research with tight collaboration with industry will provide the right platform for doing innovative (pardon the cliche) stuff. No Co will be satisfied with just high-five ideas unless they can be made commercially viable because at the end of the day they are in the business for profits not charity.

Money is something which everyone likes no matter what phony things they say. Sure I too want money but I don't want to work for the sole purpose of getting it. There are other ways to earn dough more quickly than research. What would happen if you are earning envious amount of money but you are not satisfied with yourself. Would you be really happy if you sit idle and your bank balance will make your life more than comfortable? I won't be able to live like that and I guess no one can and should. Rather I want to work in the field I am passionate about (again pardon the cliche). If I really enjoy the work I do then I will definitely do it with sincerity and commitment and money will automatically come. The satisfaction that comes from living this way is unparalleled. But I am afraid I will be pulled back into the system and do what most others do. I can't and will not blame the system or the atmosphere if I end up that way..because I will be solely responsible for all my actions. I just hope this fire in the belly continues in my doctoral studies n my life ahead....

As a matter of fact, I don't know if research is my cup of tea...may be I won't like it after some time...or may be I will like it. But am now willing to take a chance...to the test the waters..to see if I can enjoy it. My current aim or rather the aim of my life is to find where my heart lies...I mean what exactly do I love doing....to find my destiny!

Memoirs of a Kone - Part II

Continuing from the previous post ......

Third year was the most exciting year both academically and other wise. The course load was comparatively less and moreover we began to understand the tricks of the trade (read getting grades). Here in IIT, a grade point average is not a true indicator of a person's intelligence or capability. Its a totally different ball game where the qualities of sincerity, dedication, determination and all that crap come into picture. Ofcourse for those who want to get good grades by hook or crook, there are other means like CCP(Cut Copy Paste), licking the profs in and out and myriad other such things. By this time, the scenario was clear among the students..those who wanted grades knew what they wanted to do..and those who didn't give a damn (mind you there were some excellent students in this category too) about grades stopped worrying about them. I realized that IITs are IITs not because of the faculty and the infrastructure...but because of the great bunch of students and the atmosphere. All in all it was peace.

The most exhilarating time during the 3rd year was the custom of doing internship abroad during the summers. It was a great avenue to improve your academic credentials on one hand and experiencing a new culture of western countries. Ofcourse, this was preceded by countless no.of emails by students trying to woo the profs of european, canadian and even australian nations. The resumes and skills claimed by us would put to shame even the most accomplished professionals in our fields :P. Such was the dedication or desperation whichever you might think among us. Some lucky bastards got intern offers after a few mails itself and other poor souls like me had to spam 200-300 emails to bag the offers. There were two other kinds, those who got internships passed on from their friends (yeah most of us were blessed with good souls with a ring on top of our heads) and those who didn't get offers or those who didn't even try. After the offers, began the running around police stations and going to embassies for visa stamps. For some it was hell n for others it went smoothly. Thus began our exploitations abroad.....

Me, I accepted the offer from one Salzburg Research center under a Mr. Hofmann working on Synchronized access networks. Work was fun because there was very less to do (though the folks out there felt we had done some excellent work ;) ) and the work culture was totally cool. After running at the heels of the profs bak in iit for every little thing, it was a welcome relief during internship where we were treated like equals. My prof was especially cool...he sponsored my trip to Berlin and Dresden and also drove me till Dresden in his car with his family. I had made some good friends in my hostel during that time and they were really good to me. My room mate, Jaffer, was a turkish guy studying law and he showed me around the city of Salzburg apart from playing tt with me. Gerald and Teresa were the two other good friends of mine who invited me to parties. Teresa even cooked turkey for us on Mother's day and wanted me to cook her an Indian dinner, but I never did for some reason or another. Coming to sightseeing, I had been to Vienna, Venice (the most beautiful and different city I have seen so far), Verona, Dresden, Berlin and Paris. Many of our friends were able to meet at some or others place and used to hang out. Myself, I hosted 3-4 groups of my friends when they visited my place. Suffice to say that it was a memorable 3 month period in our undergrad life.

There came the 7th semester of 4th year and then started struggle. It was the most crucial period of our lives coz we had to decide what we wanted to do or be in future atleast near future. I had plans to write CAT and do an MBA from IIMs (infact I mobilized the students of our batch to join IMS coaching in our campus) but after internship I decided that I wanted to be in the technical field. So I decided "I don't want CAT , I would rather stick to my mouse" :). Some of my frenz were preparing for giving gre (I had given it in the previous year itself) or going for CAT coaching or both. Then came the apping period...where we had the arduous trouble of selecting universities, trying to make pacts with frenz to avoid clashes (tho we ended up clashing almost everywhere) and preparing sops, resumes and all that shit. As all things come to an end, good or bad, the apping and CAT was done with by the end of 7th semester. Due to change of plans among iits, we had the placement period after 7th semester. CS placements were great as usual (I was placed with Microsoft IDC, Hyderabad) and the overall scenario was also quite successful compared to previous years. The management realized that the placements would have been even better, if companies were allowed in 7th semester itself as most of them couldn't wait and went to other colleges.

The final semester was the most enjoyed in our entire iit life, never did we feel better about being in IIT (intern being an exception). With only the thesis in hand, we had loads of time left and we utilized it the best as can be expected from a bunch of blood sucked bodies...yeah we played games (computer games mostly) like hell. The multi-player games in hostels and the computer lab were unforgettable. As the semester was coming to an end, the results of apping and CAT started pouring in. Anoop, a friend of mine, secured All India Rank of 1 !! and that was an highlight in the CAT results. On the apping front, many people got offers from top 10 right from the biggies of MIT and UCB (both to Mohit, another friend of mine) and the scenario in CS was better than others. Me, finally accepted PhD offer from Univ of California Santa Barbara (UCSB).

Time raced swiftly with project presentations and it was time for (under) graduation. Emotions started flowing left right and center as we realized that we won't be able to hang out as before. We promised each other that we would keep in touch though we knew that its very difficult. I would have cried if my tears can bring back my friends, but I didn't coz I knew the times are not gonna come back.I might not able be to bring back the times...but I have the memories which can bring a smile on my face whenever I feel nostalgic.I would like to take this opportunity, to thank all my friends who have helped me and been there for me when I needed them and am sorry to all those who have been hurt by me either knowingly or unknowingly. We may not meet each other in future or even be able to be in contact but my friend I ask you only one thing...Never forget Me....Kabhi Alvida Na Kehnaa.

Memoirs of a Kone - Part I

This piece has been in pending for quite some time now as its already been more than 2 months since I have (under) graduated from iitg. This is intended as a retrospection of my 4 year undergraduate life.

It all started on a mid-summer afternoon when I entered into the iit campus at guwahati along with my mom and bro (dad had been away on official trip n couldn't make it). Like all others starry eyed teenagers present there I was nervous and excited at the same time. Will iit education change our lives? Is our future set and on the track ? Is IIT a myth or truth ?....countless such questions dogged us as we went through our initiation ceremony. After setting up the essentials my folks had left for home and I was all alone in a new world or was I !?

I had 4 friends from my junior college and another 3 (who were our seniors in our college but joined iit along with us) and so it was not difficult to start. Also, there was Prasanth aka Pressy (as he was popularly known), my high school mate. Our initial trip was a trek up the famed hill spot inside the campus where one can have a wonderful view of the beautiful (ah! i have to admit it finally) campus. All the first years were stationed in Dihing hostel with no seniors present to curb ragging. But as fate had it, I was digging my own pit ! We had an intra-iitg mailing system called pine (one of my favs in my iit life) where we had an option of sending an email to an entire batch or all batches as we please. As my innocuous brain conjured up a brilliant idea, I sent an email to all batches, including seniors !, stating "I am a freshman and I want to make friends. Anybody interested pls contact me ....". Till date I wonder two things 1) Who the fuck told me the alias of sending mail to all batches 2) Was I insane. Anyway, the second yearites smelt bold and the bakra was summoned. Though I had a few ragging experiences by then, they were relatively mild compared to this. First I was given an eye-opening sermon by a senior, on the nature of true friends and importance of family friends which I had to endure for a good 60 minutes. Then from 10 pm to 3 am I had to bore the brunt of a bunch of seniors, esp kiki n homo, who made me do all silly things till (to quote from my cousin's book) ' I unleashed my weapon.... tears' . Apparently kiki was infuriated that I wasn't practicing TableTennis (guess i made an impression during the TT tournament held for freshmen in the initial days) and told me to resume practice. He also ordered me to do 2 things, to send an email to the entire batch saying that I only want girl friends and to write 10 points on why I think I was handsome. It goes without saying, that his wishes were not fulfilled :)



First yearites in our college were like a pack of wolves when it came to attending classes and having meals. They used to flock class rooms a good half an hour before the scheduled time to grab the coveted first seats (though in later years the back seats became coveted). The bland meals of the hostel meals were not to spared either. My room, 57, was a hub during the initial years for all sort of activities, mainly during exams. To my one side was Jaini and to the other was Nune (we both spoke to him only after 1 month !!). Jaini was laid back n easy going whereas Nune was a kind of tutor for us during exams (he studied undergrad an year before he re-attempted JEE). Computer games became an obsession among the students and we spent all our free time scouting for free PCs in our computer center to play AOE, Quake etc....n ofcourse the adult content passed down as a legacy by our seniors. We had a semester system which was interspersed with vacations. The first vacation of one month in december, made us to stay at home for longer and the second one of three months in summer had us yearning to get bak to college. After the first 2 semesters the inevitable happened...the realization that grades aren't easy to come by had dawned upon us and the entras (the students from AP were called so) began herding together most of the times as a band of brothers.

Second year is the strangest time in an undergrad life...u feel liberated coz u r no longer a freshman ducking at the site of a senior, u can have the revenge on ur seniors by taking it on ur juniors :) and yet ur confused to understand the system. We had one other thing to look forward to in our second year. During our first year, some of the seniors had the pleasure to share a hostel, Manas, with the gals (as we had verrrry less ratio of gals they didn't have a separate hostel !!!). Many if not all were secretly hoping to land in that hostel by hook or crook. But as are the ways of fate, a new hostel was built entirely for gals in our second year and they were shifted. Thus we were deprived of the company of non-males (as they were called here for obvs reasons) for better or worse. Again all of us, second yearites, were put in Manas without any seniors. The turning point of my life happened during the initial days of second year. Studs who are in top 10% of their branch had an opportunity for branch change. As we were the first batch of bio-tech students in iitg I was eager to change to either to ece or cs. But I was standing 5th in a class of 20 after the end of 2 sems and clearly didn't stand a chance to branch change..only students had a chance to branch change in our bio-tech class. But miracles do happen...the first and third rankers didn't want to change branch as they liked biotech. So the 2nd and 4th rankers opted for a change and got ece and cs respectively. Now there was this pal from mech who was enamored by bio-tech and decided to opt for branch change to bio-tech from mech (many of us didn't undstand why). Anyway, as one outsider came to bio-tech , I got the chance to change branch and got Computer Science !!!. Even now I feel I was lucky to get CS branch and will never regret that decision. I love CS :)

Unlike in first year, most of the classes of students of different branches were different. Core courses were started and I had the first touch of computer science. For whatever reason, I couldn't cope with the course load in the 3rd sem and my grade point average dipped. The 4th sem was a nightmare for the CS guys...we had this hardware lab where we were supposed to build a raw CPU.
The effort put was no match for the low credits allotted to it. Finally our group couldn't make the CPU working on time, and we borrowed the CPU of another group and showed it to the instructor (yeah...it was total fraud). Surprisingly we got 10/10 in that course where as the group from which we borrowed the CPU got 9/10 !! But again logic takes a back seat sometimes in iit.

Forgot to mention about the festivals in our iit. The cultural fest Alcheringa and the technical fest Techniche were quite famous in the north-east region. Alcheringa became a hunting ground for the desperadoes among us. As the chics from the NE region flocked the campus, the iit guys bored with the chics inside the campus preyed upon them. Many of the liaisons were abruptly cut short after the end of the festival, which was held for 3 days but some them gingerly clinged upon their catch. The good thing was, it brought out the talents of the studs as it was totally organized by the students right from getting the sponsors, publicizing the event in local colleges and organizing events. The best Alcher we had was in the first year where we had a rock show by Brahma and an eastern music show by Euphoria. Though Techniche was not held at as big a scale as Alcher, nonetheless it had its share of followers who were determined to show their technical skills. We also had an intra-iit festival called Manthan where all the batches used to compete with each other (which later was competed among hostels) in various cultural and sport events. This list would be incomplete, if I don't mention the two sporting events we had Inter-IIT sports meet and Spirit - NE sports meet. It was a welcome relief from the mundane routine of the college and all the pupils looked forward to it enthusiastically (though the enthu slowly died with years).

I would cut this blog here before it becomes any longer......I will be writing another blog about our effervescent third year and happy-go-lucky fourth year...So long